I've been searching (desperately) for work now eight months... since September 2010, when I moved back from the States. And now finally, I have a part time job in a store that sells curtains and bedsheets and towels and stuff like that, thanks to a friend who's the manager there. And I've been offered a more permanent job there, almost full time, which is great. Trouble is, all of a sudden, I have another place interested in hiring me. I interviewed with them before Easter, but the job went to the other candidate. Now however, they've decided they need a receptionist at the other office and called the agency to specifically ask for me. Which kinda leaves me in the position of having to choose (if I am offered this other one as well), and I know people say that this is the best position to be in, but I could not disagree more. I think it is the worst possible position to be in as I have to make a choice and disappoint someone no matter what I do. I absolutely hate the idea of having to leave one of them kinda stranded without someone to hire, and it's such pressure on me that I wish I didn't have any offers at all. Which isn't a good thing to wish for as I have tried now for eight months to find a job! It's literally making me feel sick with anxiety over having to blow someone off, of leaving them with a big mess of having to find someone new. I HATE doing that. My mother tells me for once I gotta think of what's best for me and not be such a "good girl" and so considerate and afraid of hurting others, but I just cannot stand the idea of having to hurt someone. Well, in this case, turn someone down. I'm only now waiting to hear from the receptionist job, but I have to give an answer to my current job soon so she can start finding someone else to take the position so that she won't be left with no one. I need to let her know tomorrow as I've already postponed giving her an answer now for two days..!
And in addition to all this, I have to take into consideration that if I want my husband to come back into the country, there are certain rules I have to "obey" regarding how much money they need me to make to meet their requirements. I need to be a over a certain amount a year, and even though I love the job I have now, I know that I won't make that amount there, but I will at the receptionist job. But the receptionist job I think is a little above my skills, if I'm honest. I really do think I've bit off more than I can chew on that one, as I'm pretty sure that I won't do as good a job there as they might all expect and hope.
I know I won't sleep much at all tonight over this, and I just feel like screaming until my voice is gone. I really hate being in this position, and I feel like I'm about to throw a major tantrum over this like I'm a sulky 2-year-old. Not at all chic, let me tell you that much!
All I want is a big flashing neon sign that says "pick this one" with the name of either job underneath. That is all I'm asking for. How hard can that be? I don't want to have to disappoint one of the two; I know I'll always feel guilty for ditching the other one, even if I made the "right" choice!
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